Reviewing their wife: Claire
“Would marry again. Probably.”
5 stars. Makes brilliant coffee, incredible taste in partners, and only slightly obsessed with true crime podcasts. A genuine 10/10 human.
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Partners & Spouses
★
Reviewing their husband: Mark
“Certified legend. Zero sense of direction.”
Brilliant dad, excellent cook, cannot fold a map to save his life. Still convinced he can fix anything with duct tape. Love him dearly.
★
★
Reviewing their partner: Ryan
“9/10, would recommend with caveats.”
Brilliant in every area except loading the dishwasher. Truly baffling technique. Three stars docked until further progress is demonstrated.
Reviewing their partner: Lucy
“Best decision I ever made.”
Faultless. Every single morning she asks how I want my coffee and remembers. Every time. That alone is five stars. Everything else is a bonus.
★
★
★
Reviewing their husband: Gary
“Good bloke. Atrocious snorer.”
Two stars. Not for the person (the person is wonderful). But the noise. Dear lord, the noise. Like a freight train with a head cold. Every night.
★
Reviewing their wife: Priya
“Hilarious, kind, occasionally terrifying.”
Four stars because she's brilliant in every way but absolutely cannot be trusted to not spoil a box set. The Succession ending. I will never recover.
Friends & Mates
★
★
Reviewing their friend: Jess
“Outstanding banter. Unreliable in emergencies.”
Would rate higher but she once called 'five minutes' and arrived forty minutes later. The laugh was worth it. Mostly.
Reviewing their mate: Tom
“Best takeaway decision-maker I've ever met.”
Every Friday he nails the takeaway order. Every single time. That alone earns him a solid five stars. Everything else is a bonus.
★
★
★
Reviewing their mate: Dan
“Good chat. Questionable film taste.”
Insists that The Fast and the Furious is a franchise that requires nine sequels. It does not. Docking three stars. Non-negotiable.
★
Reviewing their other: Mum
“Unmatched culinary skill. Zero chill about leftovers.”
Best cook on the planet. Will check you've eaten approximately seventeen times per visit. Would recommend to anyone needing a Sunday roast.
★
★
★
★
Reviewing their mate: Kevin
“Borrowed £20. It has been three years.”
One star. Not because he's a bad person. He's a wonderful person. But three years, Kevin. Three years. You know what you did.
Reviewing their friend: Amy
“The definition of a ride-or-die.”
Showed up with wine and no questions asked when I needed it most. Five stars, no notes, would recommend unconditionally to anyone lucky enough to know her.
Someone you know deserves one of these.
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